wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
50% drunk capacity currently
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
