i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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