It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
