She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
