Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
