honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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