He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
