She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
