i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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