I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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