remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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