When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
