Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
