Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
