I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
