before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize