I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
