I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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