Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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