Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
