Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
