Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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