Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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