My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
