so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
