We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
