Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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