Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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