I'm drive I can fine osifer
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
