Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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