Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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