You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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