Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am naked and annoyed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
tell me about the fingering
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