Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
