My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
