I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
