I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
