youre lurking in front of me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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