some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
