I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize