I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
