i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
