How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that's an acceptable place to lick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize