You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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