I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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