I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
