Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
