screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
