How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
