we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dear god my vagina.
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