I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
