tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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