we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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