when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
