so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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