Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I party with great urgency now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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