mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
