Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
