just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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