I cockslap morals
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
