I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize