When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize