mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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