so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
